It's a cooling and cozy Sunday.
I'm at home now, browsing through my past entries at xanga and I found this...
A sense in my heart.. Lord spoke to me. He told me to go home after work. Initially i had second thoughts. However, I obeyed His word. Thank God that I heeded his word and went home. Maddy was out with Sean and thomas.. I was about to join them but I held back. Touch my heart, ask her what was her opinion.. She said," No thanks. I would rather to stay alone, just give me some time out... Thank You..." |
This entry reminds me of what God spoke to me during yesterday's service. Yesterday while I was serving, I saw "him". Without any thoughts or hesitant, I walked over and say hi. then, he replied, "Who are you?"... I was caught speechless for a moment and I said something foolish, "i'm an usher." ... then he walked off without saying anything...
I was shocked and sad.. and God spoke to me in Matt 7:21-23.
"and then I will declare to them," I never knew you; depart from Me..."
I guess it's time to really let go and let God lead my heart...
5:52 PM
Dr. M to class: "I'm ashamed by your RJ write-up. I reeeallly encourage you to write concise and short."
2nd time...
A japanese facilitator trying to encourage singaporean to write well.. ><
12:01 AM
*Electric blue!
*Bondage Jump suit!
*Chio bubbly dress!
0.0 can you even walk properly with that heels?12:45 AM
Titus 2:6-8 (Amplified Bible)
6In a similar way, urge the younger men to be self-restrained and to behave prudently [taking life seriously].
7And show your own self in all respects to be a pattern and a model of good deeds and works, teaching what is unadulterated, showing gravity [having the strictest regard for truth and purity of motive], with dignity and seriousness.
8And let your instruction be sound and fit and wise and wholesome, vigorous and irrefutable and above censure, so that the opponent may be put to shame, finding nothing discrediting or evil to say about us.
1:22 AM
Titus 2:6-8 (Amplified Bible)
6In a similar way, urge the younger men to be self-restrained and to behave prudently [taking life seriously].
7And show your own self in all respects to be a pattern and a model of good deeds and works, teaching what is unadulterated, showing gravity [having the strictest regard for truth and purity of motive], with dignity and seriousness.
8And let your instruction be sound and fit and wise and wholesome, vigorous and irrefutable and above censure, so that the opponent may be put to shame, finding nothing discrediting or evil to say about us.
1:22 AM
Big Girls Don't Cry
Songwriters: Ferguson, Stacy; Gad, Tobias;
The smell of your skin lingers on me now
You're probably on your flight back to your home town
I need some shelter of my own protection, baby
To be with myself and center
Clarity, peace, serenity
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry
The path that I'm walkin', I must go alone
I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown, full grown
Fairy tales don't always have a happy ending, do they?
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Like the little school mate in the school yard
We'll play jacks and Uno cards
I'll be your best friend and you'll be mine
Valentine
Yes, you can hold my hand if you want to
'Cause I want to hold yours too
We'll be playmates and lovers
And share our secret worlds
But it's time for me to go home
It's getting late, dark outside
I need to be with myself, and center
Clarity, peace, serenity
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry
4:12 PM
After reading her blog post, I felt an outburst of tears, running down the corners of my eyes. My heart sank as mum turn away from me, avoiding questions I asked. Seeing her doing the house chore, taking care of my grandma, acting like a super woman in this house just add on the sorrows I had upon her.
To mum: you know that smoking is harmful, smoking kills… Brother is doing the same thing and why aren’t you stopping him? Why are you letting such a thing happen in this family? Where is the love I used to have when I was young? Where is the care and hugs I used to have when I was young? Where are you, mum? I can see you no more… you are fully hidden with the hard shell; possibly no one can crack open. Come back to me… come back…
To dad: you’re such a wonderful father. You may be uneducated, you may not understand much of English, but you understand what love is. You may not be an expressive person but through action, your love is naked to view. Granny is in good hand of yours. Through you, I can fully understand how to love somebody without any conditions. 我以为。。。 你不疼我。。。How I wish I could say I love you too…
To brother: Remember that night we celebrated your birthday last year? You were happy yet sad. Remember that wedding dinner we attended at Mandarin Hotel? I could still remember that sad face. I’ve never seen you in such a bad state. It aches my heart too… up till the point when we discovered that you started picking up smoking habit, my heart totally sunk into deepest ocean. Why? Stress? There are more meaning to life… why such way to live life? I hate you for smoking, but I tear because I’m seeing my own brother tearing himself apart… slowly and torturously… you’re tearing my heart too…
1:31 AM
A cold news brought out of his mouth, "today will be the last day of CG meeting I have with you guys. I'll be taking over the adult CG and Irene will replace me. "
Q: Were you shocked?
A: I was in totally shocked. No doubt Shaun mentioned that he has got some important things to announce, little do I know that it was about this matter. My mind literately gone blank for 10minutes before I could think again. [o.o]
Q: Why such arrangement?
A: Adult CG needs a leader and pastor suggested & recommended Shaun to go over.
Q: Are you sad?
A: To tell the truth, I was a little sad and almost broke into tears. Shaun has been a great spiritual elder brother to me and in him, I may be able to seek quality advice. As a leader and a good friend, I love him and it was quite hard for me to take it at that point of time. And probably the CGCs have been informed about this matter much earlier, that's why they remained calmed. It was probably the last thing I would ever want to experience it again.
When I was in the position to make a choice to leave church, I made a thought and asked myself, "if i am determine to leave, I can straight away leave the door at this instant, but I can't... why?" I thought for a moment and then to realised that I've developed something, something which I don't want to risk myself losing it...
"Love kept me growing and understanding each other better. Love keeps me in a comfort space and makes me feel welcome. Love conquers every mountains of obstacles. Because of you, I found my love again. Because of you, I have found a home, a spiritual family,a family that genuinely cares for me. Despite where I came from, they accepted me for who I am. and I love them."
Q: So what are you going to do?
A: I am proud to have Shaun around. Times when Shaun makes effort to sit down and fellowship, I will get excited and I wanted to be there, just to enjoy W426 & Shaun's presences. Now that he has move on, i really hope that my emotions will not have the chance to override me and I still want to keep my focus unto the Lord.
No wonders the cards and gifts... No wonder the sudden enthusiasm of wanting a good fellowship. I had it all wrong...
12:20 AM
Ended up, we did not have CG meeting.. Shaun wasn't feeling too well on friday and he has got work to rush, therefore, at 5.15pm, he cancelled CG meeting. Poor thing.. I wondered how is feeling now. After service, just heard from Jasmine that Shuan is suffering a bad tummy ache and high fever. *sigh*
"Dear God, I pray that you'll heal shaun this instant and give him strength to pull through this period.. God, I believe that you are our Jehovah Rapha, God of our healer! AMEN"
So, instead of having CG meeting, i met up with jessie and jermaine&jiasheng for some nice fellowship in town. Jessie introduced this ice sorbet called SLICE at fareast. As much as I've shopped fareast for so long, I didn't realised such yummy dessert store and I can say that it is definitely affordable and nice! :) you guys should go down and try! it's at the basement(:
Along the way, we took lots of photo. Jessie and I were so-called the "Paparazzi" of the day.. Hahaha.. was trying to take some "nice" photos of the couple in front of us.. HAHHAHA!! we really enjoyed the fellowship and i would love to have more! :]
Saturday's service was totally awesome! as we sang "For Jenalle", I just felt that God was speaking me that Jesus loves us. As much as He has suffered on the cross, been crucified, taking up our sins for our sake, He understands our pain within us...
"Your heart was once so broken, that now I can be here.."
1:12 AM
